The Cinderblocks

“Protocols” Knocked off List

"Art" rumored to be in consideration for the EMWS book cover.

“Art” rumored to be in consideration for the EMWS book cover.

Cinderblocks’ spokeswoman Angie Stutemeyer was jubilant when “Emma’s Sweater-Washing Protocols” was knocked off the It’s About Time open mike list at Ballard Public Library yesterday evening.  “The gods were smiling on us last night,” Ms. Stutemeyer declared, and then, more grimly, “But the battle to keep EMWS (Emma Mulberry’s Whole Story) from publication continues.”

Ms. Stutemeyer then went on to talk about SEmRo (Send Emma To Her Room).  SEmRo is a partnership between Cinderblocks’ and the neighboring community of Pleasant Arms’ real estate and business interests as well as “ordinary folks.”  The group contends that EMWS’s publication will tarnish their communities’ reputations, which could lead to a drop in real estate values as well as make their communities less well-positioned for attracting business and developers going forward.

“This is a community-wide issue.  Our communities’ futures are at stake.  The Cinderblocks and Pleasant Arms have always been special places to live.  Send Emma to Her Room is just trying to ensure that we stay special going forward.  Safeguards are important for our future.  SEmRo just wants to keep our communities attractive.  We’re not exclusionary.  We can still find a way to be friends with her.”  Ms. Stutemeyer smiled.  “Our communities just have certain standards and expectations, that’s all.”

When asked whether someone in SEmRo might have had something to do with “Emma’s Sweater-Washing Protocols” being knocked off the open mike list, Ms. Stutemeyer reddened.  “Absolutely not.  SEmRo has absolutely no control over what happens in communities beyond Neighbors North’s boundaries.  Emma and her spokesperson, Kathy McMullen, were well aware of It’s About Time’s six p.m. start time.  They should have arrived a little earlier if they wanted to ensure their open mike spot.”

She concluded by saying that SEmRo will be kicking off a “Keep Emma off my Yard” campaign soon.  Interested Cinderblocks’ and Pleasant Arms’ residents are encouraged to post the “Keep Emma off my Yard” signs in their yards, cars, and windows.  “Wherever they can be displayed to maximize visibility,” suggests Stutemeyer.

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2 thoughts on ““Protocols” Knocked off List

  1. Emma’s been facing opposition from some of her Cinderblocks’ neighbors. They object to her getting her Emma Mulberry’s Whole Story out there. Publication of EMWS might give the bedroom community of the Cinderblocks and neighboring Pleasant Arms a black eye which could lead to a drop in property values.

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